When I was young I knew alot of ppl who loved that "mood" jewely, you know those things that change color according to how you felt at the moment. It last about a week, if you were lucky about a month, stupid cheap little trinkets really, how I loved those. I still have some around, I have a necklace...the problem with those, for me anyways, that your moods changed to fast, so violently and so many times a day that it was no wonder why they got messed up quickly. For me they had a spand of about, oh lets say a week. Hmm they were dead give aways for when you liked someone, always turning pink or purple at the sight of that person...but can those really read your mood? We thought they were so clever, magical even but by now we know that they worked according to the temperature in you're body and when you change moods so does you're temperature.

It still amazes me how much they work, even when you dont notice it, people will tell me "wow that necklace of yours changes so many colors". I am known to be moody, just recently I wore it and it was blue the whole time, I was calm, completly care free but something change in my atmosphere, no longer was the presence or the company I was in the same. The necklaced flushed pink just like my face did, lol. It was an odd event, I think everyone noticed it...well I hope not everyone. But is you're mood linked to you're feelings? I mean a mood is temporary, its you're current state of being... right? And after all what is a feeling? For all we know its just a string attached to our heart that is grazed ever so softly every time we see "that one person" pass by. How can someone, no better than ourselves take you're breathe away in an instant? How can they make so many feelings rush through you in a split second? Rage or hapiness, sorrow or cheerfulness, make you feel neutral but so moving all at once...hmmm how enviouse i should be for that person and even more for the one who causes it. For now my theory is that the mood jewelry was invented by boys who wanted to know if a girl liked them or not!

Today I took a survey...I'm sure that if you look for it on myspace you'll find it. I havent done one in a while now, havent had time but I like to do them just to have a random post that everyone or no one can read if they want too. One question caught my eye, one that well didnt take me more than 2 seconds to answer. "How long have you been breathing?" I think I may have sounded a bit mellow dramatic when I answered "I stoped breathing a long time ago." Its in me, I cant shake that...but what made me stop, what caused my lungs to not inflate and leave behind the invisible substance that once filled us whole with life, love and a waisted breathe that is as forgotten as a blink is what should be asked... hmmm, this makes me smile.

To answer the question as to why I stoped in the first place, it all begings with a process. A slow and unnoticed process that sinks into you're skin and crawls benether the surface until its eating you whole. Its kind of like cancer really. You think its gone but it always manages to find a way back, to spread. But first take a deep breathe, hold it in and savor it...remember what it feels like to breathe how fluent it is, how full filling it can be, keep it in you're mind because one day you'll miss it. Now let it go and forget just what you did...it doesnt really matter because to you its just one more. I lost my breathe a while back, my lungs almost remember how big they once were, how transparent they had been. It started when I began to lose. To lose the people I cared, those I admired, those I held close and thought they held me closer but truth was they only kept me 12 feet away.

The moment I realized I was some decease that people wanted to catch for a moment and than later get rid off, that was the moment I couldnt find that easy coming air you're inhaling right now. The moment I found out that I was only a memeory to those I still kept fresh on my mind...that moment began to shorten my supply and leave me "without out". I cant exactly say it was done without my help, but I wasnet the one that kept the distance clear nor did I break away from what I though was so well tighed together. I miss all those strings I once kept, those strings I loved to sow, chaining my heart with because it too needed an extention. After all a heart can only get so big. Now I miss those strings that were ripped out of my flesh...leaving me with nothing else but a scar that wont go away.

I've now managed to learn again what its like to breathe, I havent given up,  havent forgotten how sweet the air really was, atleast before. New people have filled in places and spaces I thought could never be replaced...but every now and than I cant help but look at my jewel, that blood ruby jewel we keep hidden away deep within our chest, I look at the cracks and scars that were left for nothing. I feel sorrow and remose, i feel empty and that jewel is somewhat hollow, ready for any minute to break. Because to those people you have become nothing but a figment that walks between the line of reality and fading memories.